May 1st

With Maggie I cried because I didn't want to be away from her. With Anna I cried because I felt guilty for trying to be a working mom. With Ellie I've cried because I know how quickly it all happens. And just like the other two i want to be the one taking care of our baby. Tomorrow I'll drop off the girls all three of them, make my way back to AMS and be Mrs. Shartzer again. I haven't been called that since mid January. I'll chug along like the rest of the teachers and make it through the day.

This time though I know she won't love me any less. She won't think I'm a terrible mom for dropping her off at a baby sitters for two days. She won't always wait for me to try a new trick. That's the part that stings. I hate missing a new milestone. But tomorrow will be alright for all of us. We'll make it. Just like the rest of the working world. Sometimes I hate it when I realize in not the first or the only person to have done something. You mean I'm not the only person who will have worked their butt off before I even get to work? I'm not the only mom to go back to work? I'm not the only wife to be away from her husband? But I am the only mom of Maggie, Anna and Ellie and when I pick them up they'll love me just the same. That's what will get me through the day. That, the pictures on my phone (all 540) and a few calls just to check on them. I just hope they will tell me all about their day.

P.S. it's 10:00 and Maggie is still awake. She is so excited to go to her old preschool she can't sleep.

Catch ya later.